Hi everyone,

Quick question: How many times today have you started an email with “Just following up…” or prefaced a statement in a meeting with “Sorry, but…”?

If you’re like most women I know in law, the answer is probably more than you realize.

These little words—”just” and “sorry”—feel harmless. They feel polite. They feel like good manners. But what they’re actually doing is shrinking your authority before you’ve even made your point.

The “Just” Problem

“Just” is a minimizer. Every time you use it, you’re essentially apologizing for taking up space.

Look at these examples:

• “I’m just checking in on this…”
• “Just wanted to circle back…”
• “I just think we should consider…”
• “Just a quick question…”

Now read them without “just”:

• “I’m checking in on this…”
• “Wanted to circle back…”
• “I think we should consider…”
• “Quick question…”

Same meaning. Completely different energy.

When you say “just,” you’re signaling that what you’re about to say isn’t that important. You’re giving people permission to dismiss you before you’ve even finished your sentence. And the irony? You’re probably doing it most when what you have to say actually matters.

The “Sorry” Epidemic

Women apologize. A lot. For things that don’t require apologies.

“Sorry, can I ask a question?” “Sorry to bother you, but…” “Sorry for the long email…” “Sorry, I have a different perspective on this…”

None of these situations warrant an apology. You’re allowed to ask questions. You’re allowed to send emails. You’re allowed to have opinions.

What’s really happening when you over-apologize is that you’re trying to soften your presence, make yourself more palatable, reduce the perceived imposition of simply… existing in professional spaces.

But softening yourself doesn’t make you more likeable. It makes you forgettable.

What This Actually Costs You

These language patterns don’t just make you sound less confident—they make people take you less seriously.

When you constantly minimize your contributions with “just” and “sorry,” you train others to view your work as less important. You undermine your expertise. You make it easier for people to interrupt you, talk over you, or ignore your input entirely.

And look, I get it. These habits are deeply ingrained. They’re survival mechanisms we developed to navigate spaces where being too direct, too assertive, or too confident as a woman gets labeled as “aggressive” or “difficult.” We learned to soften our language to make others comfortable.

But there’s a difference between being respectful and diminishing yourself.

What to Say Instead

Here are some swaps:

Instead of “Just…”:

• “Following up on…”
• “Checking in on…”
• “I recommend we consider…”
• “My perspective is…”

Instead of “Sorry…”:

• “Thank you for your time”
• “I have a question”
• “I have a different view on this”
• “Following up on this”
• Nothing at all—just start with your actual poin

The One Exception

Actually apologize when you’ve made a mistake or caused harm. A genuine “I’m sorry, I missed that deadline” is appropriate and professional. What we’re talking about here is the reflexive, unnecessary apologies that pepper every interaction.

How to Break the Habit

Start noticing when you use these words. That’s it. Just awareness for now.

Then, before you hit send on an email, do a quick search for “just” and “sorry.” Delete them. Read it again. Notice that your message is clearer, stronger, and more direct.

In meetings, catch yourself mid-sentence if you can. You might feel awkward the first few times you don’t soften your statements, but that discomfort is actually growth.

The goal isn’t to become harsh or unapproachable. You can still be warm, collaborative, and kind without undermining your own credibility.

Your Challenge This Week

Remove “just” and “sorry” from one interaction per day. One email. One meeting. One conversation.

Notice how it feels. Notice how people respond. I’m willing to bet they don’t think you’re rude—they just finally hear what you’re actually saying.

You’ve worked too hard and know too much to keep making yourself smaller with your language.

Laura

Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash