Humans can’t survive alone; we thrive together. It’s in our DNA. Yet, we often believe we need to be independent, to stand on our own two feet. But while we can go without food and water for a while, we can’t live a life without feeling like we matter.

Martin Seligman, known for his work in positive psychology, stresses the importance of feeling valued and having a sense of purpose. Carl Rogers highlights unconditional positive regard, the need to feel accepted and valued without conditions.

We naturally connect with people who make us feel like we matter to them and tend to avoid those who don’t. It’s not about being good or bad; it’s just human nature. No matter how much we try to be independent, we can’t ignore this need. It’s part of being human.

Sadly, most of us are unaware of this need. We don’t realize how much our behavior influences other people’s wellbeing and how damaging our behavior can be when we deny their worth by downplaying their experiences. This disconnect often leads to conflicts.

I think the first step is to become aware of our collective need to “matter”—our own need to matter to others and others’ need to matter to us. When we interact with people who understand this, they make us feel seen and valued. This can be as simple as saying hello or smiling at someone.

This need to “matter” becomes even more crucial in long-term relationships. For example, it’s easier to get over a taxi driver treating you like you don’t matter than when your spouse does. If a relative treats you like you don’t matter, it can affect you deeply. This happens in online communities too, where harsh criticism can lead to fights.

It also happens in conversations where some people talk a lot about themselves without listening to others, sending the message that “I don’t care about you, you don’t matter to me.” When this happens, you feel lonely and empty.

This is why people appreciate good listeners. Good listeners make you feel like you matter. Most charismatic people have a way of making you feel special by giving you their undivided attention. You love it because they convey that they are interested in you and that you “matter” to them.

As Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” People connect with those who make them feel like they matter.

You might think you’re not the kind of person who makes others feel bad about themselves or like they don’t matter. But sadly, we all do it sometimes. We do it when we disregard someone’s experience or downplay it. The more we validate someone’s experience, the more we validate that person, making them feel like they matter.

The world needs more kindness. We live in an age where we say we value authenticity, but often we think that authenticity gives us the green light to be mean to others. From high schools to workplaces, bullies are everywhere. People are separated, living behind their screens. We feel lonely, separated, and unsupported.

The world needs more kindness, simple acts of generosity. It doesn’t cost us anything to pay attention to how we make others feel about themselves.

I invite everyone to be part of the kindness movement. Let’s make a conscious effort to show the people in our lives that they truly matter.